Reading Headlines as if I was guest-hosting the Daily Show.

Been a while since my last post. And thanks to Exam Week, will probably be another while.
Even though I feel like I'm in Hell and am just recovering from stress-induced frequent urination, I still like this better than midterms at the U of C.

So a runthrough of the headlines today.

1) It doesn't pay to be a Yankees fan this postseason. My condolences to Cory Liddle's family and friends, and to Larry David.

Why Larry David?
Let's take this quote from one of my favorite episodes of Seinfeld, and think of Larry David speaking George's lines:

Cushman: I gotta tell you, you are the complete opposite of every applicant we've seen. Mr. Steinbrenner, sir. There's someone here I'd like you to meet. This is Mr. Costanza. He is one of the applicants.
Steinbrenner: Nice to meet you.
George Costanza: Well, I wish I could say the same, but I must say, with all due respect, I find it very hard to see the logic behind some of the moves you have made with this fine organization. In the past twenty years, you have caused myself, and the city of New York, a good deal of distress as we have watched you take our beloved Yankees and reduced them to a laughing stock, all for the glorification of your massive ego.
Steinbrenner: Hire this man!

Unfortunately, I don't think this is how Torre got to keep his job.












2) First "South Park" was on the dot about Mel Gibson. Now it seems Team America: World Report was right about Kim Jong Il and the UN's call for swift action and its lack of impact on Pyongyang or it's march for nuclear status or call for unwanted attention (except the puppet thing, as far as I can tell). What's next, underpants gnomes are for real? Saddam has a gay thing for Satan...wait a minute....?


3) So there's a major Washington ethics scandal involving the influence peddling of former superlobbyist Jack Abramoff, 650.000 Iraqis have died since 2003, the National Intelligence Estimate concluded the Iraq war was exacerbating the Islamic terrorist threat by fueling resentment toward the United States and providing a training ground for terrorist recruits, the large deficits thanks to the Iraq War and the tax cuts, Katrina, and the basic lack of environmental or ethical oversight. And the only reason why there is a chance of upseating one of the most uncontrolled, fundamentalist group of politicians ever to have the majority in Congress is because of one horny Republican closeted gay congressman who didn't realize emails can still be hard evidence in Ethics Committee hearings.

Not to belittle Democrats, because I align most of time with them when the choices are weak-willed intellectuals or madmen, but if and when the Democrats have a majority in a house of Congress, they're going to have to address the important issues which weren't fully annunciated in this midterm election, because the media cares about this damn pointless sex scandal. I know a win is a win and Democrats should take what they can get, but this is ridiculous.

Should I be happy that this is how Republicans fall from grace? Not really. Especially because this just confirms the whole "family values is the only issue" theory.

That Hobbesian state is looking better all the time.

4) Well, at least Fox News is doing they're best to belittle the Foley scandal for what it is.

5) And finally, if you feel the Earth wobble, that means we're all doomed. If you're a mammal.
But you knew that anyway.

Alright back to the books. See you when I feel like procrastinating again.